One of the topics I’ve noticed is very popular among the freebirth community is getting your partner on board, or to be supportive throughout the journey.
I am of the opinion that partners are called partners because you are working together in a partnership – not against each other.
Keeping in mind that this time can be quite a challenge for couples to navigate with often strong feelings and beliefs on both sides.
It always makes it a much more challenging topic to challenge when you are already pregnant, trying to work through trauma or fears, and you want your partner to desperately understand you and just back you up.
I’m going to share my top ways you can connect back in with your partner and get him to be more supportive of your emotional needs.
Talk honestly with your partner
I consider myself to be an honest person and have found that in my communication with my husband I am extremely open and honest.
Sometimes things can get a bit heated when I’m frustrated and trying to explain things.
And sometimes I have to come back to a subject a couple of times before he really gets what I am saying.
Sometimes it’s hard work.
But it’s important work that needs to be done – for us and our family.
We are a team; a partnership and we are trying to move together down the same path to our destination.
When you feel calm make time with your partner to have an honest & open conversation.
Here are some things to consider before your conversation:
- Come from a space of love when you are grounded and ready to be vulnerable.
- Work out what you want to say in advance
- Be clear in what you want from your partner and ask your partner how they feel about certain things.
- Deeply listen to your partner
- Be understanding and see things from their perspective
- Be respectful
- And if you don’t understand something, don’t assume, ask for clarification
- Let them know how much you appreciate them in this journey
Ask them to be involved in learning about freebirth
If your partner isn’t involved in researching or being part of knowing some of the information you are learning about birth it becomes a bit one-sided.
You can’t exactly chat about certain things if your partner has no clue about birth or is still living in fear or old beliefs.
It isn’t your role to have to force your partner into learning about birth or make them read a book – but from my experience, the information seems to get into them through exposure.
There is no way my husband would want to read about birth (he doesn’t read books at all) and the idea of watching a birth movie would definitely not be his first choice.
But my husband was open to watching and listening to things as an active participant rather than being forced into learning.
And before I knew it, he was in the background listening to podcasts and listening to women’s freebirth stories.
Sometimes he would be yelling out in the background “that isn’t right, that happened because they didn’t wait for her baby to come down” etc.
We watched birth movies & real freebirths on Youtube together.
Understand that you may need more emotional support than what your partner can give
Once you have had an open and honest conversation with your partner you can give it some time to see how that goes.
You may find that your partner really starts to open up and the conversation starts to flow, and you really feel like you’ve got a partner in this birth journey and that is amazing!
You may feel that your partner has really connected with you on a deeper level, but you may find that some of the things that you worry about and some of the fears that you have don’t seem to really connect with your partner.
Maybe you’ll find that your partner can’t really relate to you and while they may be super supportive and want to emotionally support you on this journey the best they can they just don’t have the experience or the tools to really be able to understand your journey.
I found that even though my husband was really supportive in my free birth journey that he would at times often say “well I don’t actually understand” or “I can’t relate because I don’t have a womb and I’ve never birthed the baby because I don’t have a vagina”.
And while I found his support invaluable, I found that oftentimes it is a little bit lonely.
I couldn’t turn to him for some of the fears and worries that I had because he just couldn’t relate to how I was feeling.
I realised that I needed more than what my husband could give me as a highly sensitive person I needed extra emotional support.
I really craved having a sisterhood and being connected to a woman who understood my journey and where I was coming from.
If this is happening to you, you may feel that you need to reach out and find some extra emotional support.
You should listen to that gut feeling and go out and find somebody amazing to support you through this journey as you deserve it!
To wrap up this blog – How to get your partner to be more supportive of your emotional needs
We covered:
- Talk honestly with your partner
- Ask them to be involved in learning about freebirth
- Understand that you may need more emotional support than what your partner can give
I hope that this blog really helped you understand how you can get connected more with your partner to feel more supported in your freebirth pregnancy.
Want an emotional support partner through this journey?
I work with pregnant women who are planning to freebirth and help them feel seen, heard & validated.
I am the pregnancy partner who will support you through your journey in a safe and non-judgemental space.
I provide guidance and birth knowledge and I invite you to see if one of my offerings align with you. You can find out more about my offerings here.
If you are unsure if one of my services is right for you, I invite you to jump onto a complimentary call with me, or send me an email and let’s have a chat!
Until next time,
Ashley x
